I’ll never be safe but right now I’m free

I could just start writing my posts directly to you now, since I know you’re reading them… But this isn’t your blog. It’s my blog. This blog was a place for me to be able to safely get things off my chest without having to filter them through you anymore. I was ok, when you started reading, since again, I write for me, not for you… But I’m not ok with you following me around online because you can’t do it physically any longer. Twitter? Really? You never wanted me to socialize while we were together, this is no different. So I’m going to pretend you’re not there. Because, you’re not. I’m gone, far away. I’m moving on with my life. I’m making new friends. I’m learning to be ok with myself. Every day is a struggle to get out of bed. Every step is a struggle to put one foot in front of the other since the girls were taken away, but I keep walking. I will keep walking. I am building an identity. I’m not just a wife or a mom or the neighbor getting beat. I am productive in my own right. Sometimes people like me!! Crazy how once I was convinced no one would ever want me… I am learning to love my body. Funny how I once thought putting effort into my appearance was something I didn’t need to waste my time on, since no one would ever want me. I love fashion… Boots, skirts, dresses, makeup… Sometimes I buy things for myself and it feels amazing! I am learning to hold my head high, to be proud of my scars and left over quirks. I am finding the me I used to be… Adjusted my sails and set a different course. I found my own jet stream and navigate my own course. I am unapologetic.

How the military protects the ones who harm others

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In 2006, things were volatile in my home, to say the least. Baby 2 was diagnosed with Aspberger’s and Baby 4 was struggling through cardiac issues and development issues… Oh, and there was a new war. I was 25 with 4 small children and a husband deployed for over a year. When he came home, in the course of the month before the above email, I caught him in bed with one of his lower enlisted sailors, he beat the crap out of me in base housing and then he tried to kill himself.
When I decided to reach out to the command master chief for help, my husband was sent the above email from his shop’s LCPO (his boss).

If someone would have helped me 7 years ago, when I started asking, how much different would my life be? Where would my girls be today? Because he was told to shut me up, no records were ever found of his violence that night…
I’m so tired of keeping quiet and trying to protect the Navy I once loved.

Another Side of Domestic Violence: Financial Abuse

Another Side of Domestic Violence: Financial Abuse.

This definitely did, and is still occurring in my situation. My spouse receives dependent and separation pay from the military, yet the children and I were never allowed access to it. Now he’s funding his legal battle against me with the money he has made from selling all the possessions I left when I finally decided to leave 😦