When you outgrow yourself

I feel like my life doesn’t fit anymore.
I don’t know what that means.
I don’t know who I am.
I’m not used to being confused… I’ve got all the answers. I’m a girl with a plan.

I haven’t spoken to the girls in over a month. The day after Mother’s Day, Baby Daddy sent me a lovely email letting me know how much the girls hate me and don’t want to ever speak to me…. And I wonder…

What if they don’t? What if I blew it? What if I will never be Mama again? Who am I if I’m not just trying to make it to the next time we’re all together, if we aren’t ever together again?

I have no identity.
I have no career.

I gave it all up to be a mom and I have nothing to show for it, but children who hate me for trying to give them a better life.

I tried to end the vicious cycle of under education and achievement and I’ve ended up just like every other failure of a matriarch in my family…

I don’t know who I am.

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